People, people, people.

A lot of things in the world don't make sense to me.
For instance, why do people find it necessary to kill others instead of just trying to work out their differences, or better yet, just ignoring the person all together. Why do people not find it necessary to care about their education, or the well being of our country, or anything that doesn't revolve around them. Why are the people in the world so selfish and vain? Including myself. Why do we care more about ourselves than others? These are just a couple of things I don't understand about people, but the number one thing I will never understand about people is their need to impress others.
Why do people care what others think of them? Is that person that you're so concerned with in control of your entire life? Is their opinion of you going to dictate the rest of your life? I highly doubt it. Now, I'm all for being liked by people. I like to be liked. But I'm not going to sit there and stress out and change myself because of something someone told me. Do you know how many times people have bad mouthed me and talked me down and said rude things to me? A lot. But I don't change myself because someone else thinks I'm stupid. I could care less.
I used to care what people thought of me. About two or three years ago someone accused me and my friends of not being Christians based on what someone said to them, and that really really bothered me, but looking back on it. It shouldn't have. Just because someone who knows absolutely nothing about me thinks I'm not a Christian doesn't mean I should believe them. I know what I believe. I know what's in my own heart. No one else in the entire world does. Not my parents, not my best friends, not my brother. No one. They only know what I choose to show. No one can really know what I truly believe or think except me.
So people can say or think whatever they want to about me now. It's not going to bother me. I know that I'm not perfect. No where close. I know that people are going to judge me, just like I judge others. I know that people will always gossip and I know that I'm never going to please everyone. I'm never going to always please anyone. Not even myself. So the only person I really find it necessary to please is God. You may think I'm going on Christian on you, but it's true. God is unchanging. Everything else in this world changes. People beliefs, thoughts, and opinions. But God's are always the same. So that is the only standard you should be concerned with. Plus if that is what you're concerned with you'll get way farther than if you try to please people.
I just really don't understand people's reasoning behind it. If anyone could explain to me why people care so much I would love to know. Because I honestly don't get it.

YoWAW!

So this past weekend I went to a mission's conference in North Carolina called YoWAW (Youth World Awareness Weekend). It was pretty much just amazing. So I've decided to write about it.
Let's start back on Friday morning. We left the church somewhere around 8 in the morning. I was in a car with Nathan, Zach, Stephen, Eirenee, Maddie, Josh, and some other people that I don't talk to. The car ride up was alright. It wasn't really anything special. I was uncomfortable for the majority of the ride and I couldn't sleep. I talked to Stephen and Eirenee for the most part. When we finally arrived at Ridge Haven (9 hours later) everyone was pretty excited.
Once we got out of the car we got our room assignments. Eirenee and I got a room all to ourselves. We started to unpack and then we went up to the game room. (Which was down a huge hill that we had to travel up and down all weekend). We played ping pong until it was time to eat dinner. We had lasagna for dinner and it was soooooooo good. The food there was amazing. After that we went to the meeting hall (which was down another hill then up one) and that's when I met Dean. Dean is probably the single most amazing person on the face of the earth. He's full of energy and pretty strange, but he's always funny to be around. All the churches played this bingo chart game thing, which I almost won, but I was 4 points shy of winning. After that we sang and were introduced to our speaker. He pretty much had the most legit voice on the face of the earth. It was so deep and awesome. We listened to him preach (it was super super good) then we learned that we were going to play a game of dodgeball. They explained all the teams and rules and what not then we walked to where we were playing and started. Our church lost the first game because one, our team was waaaay smaller than the one we played, and two the other team was a bunch of cheaters. Then we won our next game and we moved on to the final game. It was our church plus another church against the first church we played. The game was pretty intense. It went on for quite some time and I was pretty into it. After some time I looked around and there were 2 other people left on my team against about 10 on the other team. We played on and it came down to me against 5 people. (1 girl, 4 boys) I got the girl out first then proceeded to pick every guy off one by one. Finally, it was me against one other guy. I kept throwing the ball at him, and he kept dodging it. Finally, I threw one at him and he hit him, but then he started to bobble it and finally caught it. Even though I lost  I got a reputation. I was known at the girl that beat all the boys. After that I was totally exhausted and pretty much went straight to bed.
On Saturday we had to wake up and be ready at 8 for a Bible study with our youth group. Eirenee and I were the first to be ready. So we were just sitting there chilling for a while until Mr. Storms decided to join us. Then the rest of the group slowly started to file in and we talked about what happened the night before. After that we went to have breakfast. After breakfast we went to the game room and played some cards. Not just anything though, we played Egyptian Rat Slap. Never ever play that game with a Burrows, a man who was previously in the marines, or just a hardcore guy in general. I was afraid that my hand was going to be broken. Well, after that we went to listen to Pastor John speak again and it was amazing again. We went to seminars after that about missions and such. Which was when I learned about refugees and how people help them. Which I really want to do. We then proceeded to have lunch. After that Eirenee, Stephen, and I had the brilliant idea to go on a hike. Eirenee took us down all these ridiculously paths and used pretty much all our energy. But Stephen almost feel into a waterfall so it was almost worth it. After that we had to go to our little activity. Basically, we played a cross between capture the flag and flag football. This game was ridiculous. We were playing all through the woods and let me tell you there were soooo many thorns in those woods. I got my legs allllll cut up. After two rounds of that game I was just totally drained. I had no energy left. After we were through with that game, which we lost, but it was okay because we played better, we went back to the game room and played Apples to Apples. Dear Lord, that game can get intense. I'm pretty sure it just consisted of all of us yelling. It was an experience. After the exciting game we had dinner then went to listen to Pastor John speak again. Then came pretty much the best part of the whole trip. After it was over we had a bonfire and a dance party thing. We danced so much. It was to all of those songs that have those dances everyone knows. (Cupid Shuffle, Cotton Eyed Joe, etc.) And we learned how to dance to 500 miles. It was extremely exciting. After that exciting adventure was over, Eirenee, Stephen, Nathan, Adam, Zach, Maddie, and I went back to our little building and played poker. After that I was pretty much just totally dead and went to bed.

On Sunday we again woke up at 8 and had our little church meeting. Then we had breakfast played some cards went to listen to Pastor John speak, went to seminars. The usual. We played cards again, then had lunch. After lunch Nathan, Stephen, Adam, Zach, Mr. Stroms, Aaron, Sean, Josh and I played football. It was pretty intense. Nathan almost killed me. It was extremely exciting. After that I was completely and totally exhausted. Nathan, Stephen, and I just chilled downstairs for a while after that and people joined us and we just talked until dinner. After dinner we played around again then went to our last session. We heard some decent music and listened to Pastor John speak for the last time. After that was over Aaron, me, and some people from other churches had to do this 6 minute long dance that was pretty interesting to say the least. And after that there was a talent show that was pretty good. Eirenee and James did amazing. After the talent show was over Nathan, Stephen, and me sprinted down a hill and up another one to get our Cheerwine floats. I'm not sure if it was worth it, but we were the first people in line. After that we played cards again, played ninja, then danced again. We danced more than I ever have in my entire life. After that, Nathan, Stephen, Eirenee, Timothy, and me played poker until we were forced to go to bed.
The next morning we packed up then went to breakfast. After blue pancakes (nasty) we were off. The car ride home was pretty exciting. Stephen and I were the only one awake for a while so we just talked randomly. Then after people woke up me and Nathan started listening to music and we started singing and such. It was just a good ride home.

This might not have sounded exciting to you, but you don't even understand. It felt like we were there for a good week. It was soooooo much fun. We did more, but I can't exactly remember every single detail. It was just amazing. I'm not sure I've ever had such a good time. I'm definitely going back next year. (:

Inspired

New Year's resolutions really bother me. I think it stupid that people make a list of things they want to change about their life just because it's January 1st, and then by February 1st they forget all about their resolutions and go back to the way they were. If you really want to change, you don't need to make a list at the beginning of the year. You just start to break your habits.

For example, I was sick and tired of constantly being on Facebook, so I deactivated my Facebook. I've been off Facebook since January 20th, and I think I'm actually starting to break my habit. Now when I go on the computer I'm not tempted to go straight to Facebook, and I barely get on the computer anymore. It only took me 16 days. 

Here are some other things I'm going to change. (No, this is not a new year's resolution, it's just habits I've decided to break.)

-Eat healthier

-Exercise daily

-Gossip less

-Read the Bible and pray more

-Be nicer

Now, I've been thinking about doing these for quite some time, but since I deactivated my Facebook and it only took a week to break my habit, I'm motivated to do these things. I know it's going to take a while, but I'm determined to do these. I've already started thinking of things to do to help.

For instance,

-Don't just eat when I have nothing else to do (eat healthier)

-Start eating vegetables instead of junk food (eat healthier)

-Start eating breakfast (eat healthier)

-Do push ups and sit ups during commercials (exercise daily)

-Go to the gym with my mom (exercise daily)

-Make the softball team (exercise daily)

-Write all my thoughts in a journal to get all my nasty thoughts in my head (gossip less & be nicer)

-Get ready for bed 30 minutes early to save time for reading the Bible and praying (read the Bible and pray more)

-Think about what I say before I say it (gossip less & be nicer)

Those are just a few things. And I know I'm going to accomplish them because I'm super motivated! 

Anyway, that was my little inspirational spill.

Mediator

I'm so sick and tired of being my parents mediator.


I want to start of saying, I know I have absolutely no idea what it's like to be married, but I still don't understand the reason for constant pointless arguments. The closest thing I have to knowing what that is like is my brother, but me and him didn't even get to pick each other and we argue less then my parents. It's so frustrating to me because I reap all of the consequences and the problem isn't even my fault. Like this morning, I get into the car and my mom starts lecturing me about how I need to choose who I marry extremely carefully. I ask her where the randomness comes from and she proceeds to tell me all these things about my dad that bother her. Okay, I'm all for venting, but hearing my mom trash talk my dad is not on my favorite conversations list. Then we move onto tonight. My parents are just chilling watching a basketball game, and they turn one comment into a full on war that ends in my mother storming upstairs. I'm left sitting downstairs with my dad talking about how stupid they're both being. I then get to listen to my dad trash talk my mom. Another conversation that's not on favorite conversations list. I try to get down to the heart of the matter and see why they always argue about stupid things and yes, there actually is a legit reason, but both of my parents are too concerned with their freaking ego to do anything about it.
So here I am. Sitting in my room knowing all the reasons why my parents are frustrated with each other, but I can't tell either of them because they just don't want to hear it. I'm 15 years old, is it really necessary for me to be my parents babysitters?
My main thing, is I just don't understand why they can't just brush it off. I have to do that every day with people at my school that annoy me, I just don't get it. Getting annoyed with the little things that people do it just a waste of energy.
And this whole thing really upsets me because this is what my brother used to be really good at. He could always fix things after a fight and I'm just no good at it.
I feel like my parents are just being really selfish right now.
I just want my brother to come home. ):

Changes

Isn't it funny how much things can change in a matter of years? My life has changed so much in the past two and a half years. So let's take a trip down memory lane.


Let's start with the summer of 2008. I was going from 6th to 7th grade. I was so excited to finally get a locker and be considered a "big kid" and all that jazz. I would be getting a locker for the first time because I went to a Christian school and they did that there. Anyway, I come to find out in early July that I would be changing school. I got a first class ticket to public school. I was actually kind of excited to be leaving because let's just say the people in my class at school weren't my favorite people in the world. To be honest, I didn't like them, at all. Now, at that age I would say that I was incredibly outgoing. So, I wasn't too worried, but let me tell you. I should've been. My first day of 7th grade just might have been the worst day of my life. The most important thing I learned that day is that no matter how many people are around you, you can still feel like the loneliest person in the world. You might not think that changing from private school to public school is that big of a deal, but trust me, it is. It might not have been so much the school itself, or just the fact that I had been going to my private school since I was five and the people at that school were the only people I've ever known. Well, I walked in to school and the only people I talked to all day were my teachers. Have you ever gone an entire day at school not talking? Not because you didn't want to talk, but because no one even noticed you were alive? That was me. The new kid that no one even noticed. I went a good 4 months not having any friends at school. Absolutely none. The funny thing was on the second day of school I actually talked to someone, but they decided to move the second week of  school. Who does that? So the only person I even remotely communicated with was taken from me leaving me to live probably the loneliest, worst 4 months of my life. You might be thinking that I'm over exaggerating, but I went home pretty much every day and cried. Even going back to my old school didn't help because I didn't feel included there either. They had moved on with their lives forgetting all about me. So, I was the kid who didn't fit in anywhere. By January I had started to hang out with my brother and his best friend from church. Soon enough those were the only people I would hang out with. It was always my brother, his two friends, my best friend, and me. We were nearly inseparable. We hung out pretty much every day of the week. Soon enough one  of my best friends started dating my brother's best friend and things got even better. Even things at school started to get better. I made a couple of friends and started talking to people more. By this time it was around May of 2009. Life was beginning to look up.
Fast forward to August 2009. The summer was amazing, but things were starting to become rocky between my friend and her boyfriend. Eventually they broke up and things started to happen from there. I didn't hang out with them much anymore. Plus my best friend was a year ahead of me, meaning she moved on to high school while I was stuck with people who I really didn't like in middle school. Needless to say my life at church started to suck, but my school life was beginning to flourish. So many people I didn't even think knew I existed started to talk to me. I actually enjoyed going to school for the first time in a couple of years. I would go to school and have the time of my life and suffer through Sundays praying for them to end as quickly as possible. I had so many friends at school nothing else seemed to matter. I had something to do nearly every weekend. It was a total blast. Sports were amazing, friends were amazing, family was amazing. Everything was perfect. Everything except Sundays, of course. Of course things weren't always perfect. I lost a couple of friends and went through a good number of heart breaks by the same guy, but overall it was a fantastic year.
Moving on to the summer of 2010. The absolute best time of my life. I've never had more fun in my life. I went on vacation with my best friend in the entire world, I hung out with my friends every day, life was as good as it's ever going to get, but of course, summer always has to end. And when summer comes to an end so does everything that happened in it. They become distant memories. And new things began, including...
My first day of high school. People say that high school is such a big thing. Everything is going to change, blah, blah, blah. And to a certain extent, they're right. I had to leave a lot of my good friends behind that went to a different school. And everything, in fact, did change. With my starting high school, my brother was starting college. That is probably the biggest change I've had to encounter in my life, and definitely the hardest. My brother was my best friend, and without him around I felt so alone. Again. I again cried a numerous amount of nights. Life was just so different. With that change at home, came the obvious change at school. The work load was definitely not as light as it is in middle school, and trust me, no matter what you do, you're going to lose friends your freshman year of high school. You meet new people and so do your old friends. You change a lot, and so do your old friends. It's a whole new environment and different people have different ways of handling it. Unfortunately for me, the friends I ended up losing were my best ones. School again became torture. I felt rejected and unwanted, but as for church, I'd been having more fun than ever. I was with my friends again, and I was finally able to enjoy myself. As the new year approached, I decided I wasn't going to give myself a reason to be unhappy. 
So, here we are. January of 2011. And here's where I stand. My life at church is amazing. I have amazing friends there and I'm learning more about God than I have in my entire life. School is started to look up. I'm started to make new friends and becoming closer with old ones. I'm talking to my friends that went to different schools, my grades are close to perfect, and my sports couldn't be any better. I'm genuinely content.

Looking on the past, I can't understand how things ended up the way they did. Things changed so much, so fast, and if you told me two and a half years ago that I would be where I am right now, quite honestly I would have accuse you of being on drugs, but despite everything, if I could go back and change anything, I wouldn't. Everything I've gone through has made me the person I am right now. And I'm seriously happy about that.


Another thing I'm happy about right now is the fact that it's snowing and I'm not going to have school tomorrow. <3

Introductions

I've never really been into blogging much, I guess. It never really interested me that much, but yesterday I decided that I should delete my Facebook. Why? There are multiple reasons. One, because Facebook is extremely distracting. Two, because the people on Facebook irritate me. Even though that's probably my fault for adding them. Three, people don't understand the meaning of Facebook. They use it for stupid things. For example, people use Facebook to become friends with or build a relationship on. That's dumb. Why don't you just grow some balls and talk to the person in person. The reason I was debating keeping my Facebook for such a long time is because it's the only way for me to communicate with some of my family, but then I realized, with or without Facebook, I don't talk to them. So, it's extremely pointless. Anyway, the real reason I started this is because I need something to express my thoughts on. I didn't really do it on Facebook all that much, but I sort of did. I just need an outlet to express what I'm thinking, and this way no one I really care about is going to judge me, and maybe some people will understand some important things I think about. I don't know, basically, I just need to talk. And this is it. I'm not going to lie, I'm probably going to seem extremely overdramatic and moody because most likely I'm only going to post something when I'm really mad, sad, or happy. But whatever, that's the whole point of this. So, here's a basic run down of me. I'm a Christian and I love God. I love sports almost more than anything else. I play volleyball and softball. My family means more to me than anyone. I have about three friends that I consider my family. I'm opinionated and I say what I think. I try not to judge people because I don't live their life and I don't know how they think, plus it's not my place to judge. Although, I do slip up. A lot. I'd think I'm pretty smart. I've has straight A's since kindergarten. My brother is my hero. And that's me in a nut shell. Oh, and my name is Bianca.