Mediator

I'm so sick and tired of being my parents mediator.


I want to start of saying, I know I have absolutely no idea what it's like to be married, but I still don't understand the reason for constant pointless arguments. The closest thing I have to knowing what that is like is my brother, but me and him didn't even get to pick each other and we argue less then my parents. It's so frustrating to me because I reap all of the consequences and the problem isn't even my fault. Like this morning, I get into the car and my mom starts lecturing me about how I need to choose who I marry extremely carefully. I ask her where the randomness comes from and she proceeds to tell me all these things about my dad that bother her. Okay, I'm all for venting, but hearing my mom trash talk my dad is not on my favorite conversations list. Then we move onto tonight. My parents are just chilling watching a basketball game, and they turn one comment into a full on war that ends in my mother storming upstairs. I'm left sitting downstairs with my dad talking about how stupid they're both being. I then get to listen to my dad trash talk my mom. Another conversation that's not on favorite conversations list. I try to get down to the heart of the matter and see why they always argue about stupid things and yes, there actually is a legit reason, but both of my parents are too concerned with their freaking ego to do anything about it.
So here I am. Sitting in my room knowing all the reasons why my parents are frustrated with each other, but I can't tell either of them because they just don't want to hear it. I'm 15 years old, is it really necessary for me to be my parents babysitters?
My main thing, is I just don't understand why they can't just brush it off. I have to do that every day with people at my school that annoy me, I just don't get it. Getting annoyed with the little things that people do it just a waste of energy.
And this whole thing really upsets me because this is what my brother used to be really good at. He could always fix things after a fight and I'm just no good at it.
I feel like my parents are just being really selfish right now.
I just want my brother to come home. ):

Changes

Isn't it funny how much things can change in a matter of years? My life has changed so much in the past two and a half years. So let's take a trip down memory lane.


Let's start with the summer of 2008. I was going from 6th to 7th grade. I was so excited to finally get a locker and be considered a "big kid" and all that jazz. I would be getting a locker for the first time because I went to a Christian school and they did that there. Anyway, I come to find out in early July that I would be changing school. I got a first class ticket to public school. I was actually kind of excited to be leaving because let's just say the people in my class at school weren't my favorite people in the world. To be honest, I didn't like them, at all. Now, at that age I would say that I was incredibly outgoing. So, I wasn't too worried, but let me tell you. I should've been. My first day of 7th grade just might have been the worst day of my life. The most important thing I learned that day is that no matter how many people are around you, you can still feel like the loneliest person in the world. You might not think that changing from private school to public school is that big of a deal, but trust me, it is. It might not have been so much the school itself, or just the fact that I had been going to my private school since I was five and the people at that school were the only people I've ever known. Well, I walked in to school and the only people I talked to all day were my teachers. Have you ever gone an entire day at school not talking? Not because you didn't want to talk, but because no one even noticed you were alive? That was me. The new kid that no one even noticed. I went a good 4 months not having any friends at school. Absolutely none. The funny thing was on the second day of school I actually talked to someone, but they decided to move the second week of  school. Who does that? So the only person I even remotely communicated with was taken from me leaving me to live probably the loneliest, worst 4 months of my life. You might be thinking that I'm over exaggerating, but I went home pretty much every day and cried. Even going back to my old school didn't help because I didn't feel included there either. They had moved on with their lives forgetting all about me. So, I was the kid who didn't fit in anywhere. By January I had started to hang out with my brother and his best friend from church. Soon enough those were the only people I would hang out with. It was always my brother, his two friends, my best friend, and me. We were nearly inseparable. We hung out pretty much every day of the week. Soon enough one  of my best friends started dating my brother's best friend and things got even better. Even things at school started to get better. I made a couple of friends and started talking to people more. By this time it was around May of 2009. Life was beginning to look up.
Fast forward to August 2009. The summer was amazing, but things were starting to become rocky between my friend and her boyfriend. Eventually they broke up and things started to happen from there. I didn't hang out with them much anymore. Plus my best friend was a year ahead of me, meaning she moved on to high school while I was stuck with people who I really didn't like in middle school. Needless to say my life at church started to suck, but my school life was beginning to flourish. So many people I didn't even think knew I existed started to talk to me. I actually enjoyed going to school for the first time in a couple of years. I would go to school and have the time of my life and suffer through Sundays praying for them to end as quickly as possible. I had so many friends at school nothing else seemed to matter. I had something to do nearly every weekend. It was a total blast. Sports were amazing, friends were amazing, family was amazing. Everything was perfect. Everything except Sundays, of course. Of course things weren't always perfect. I lost a couple of friends and went through a good number of heart breaks by the same guy, but overall it was a fantastic year.
Moving on to the summer of 2010. The absolute best time of my life. I've never had more fun in my life. I went on vacation with my best friend in the entire world, I hung out with my friends every day, life was as good as it's ever going to get, but of course, summer always has to end. And when summer comes to an end so does everything that happened in it. They become distant memories. And new things began, including...
My first day of high school. People say that high school is such a big thing. Everything is going to change, blah, blah, blah. And to a certain extent, they're right. I had to leave a lot of my good friends behind that went to a different school. And everything, in fact, did change. With my starting high school, my brother was starting college. That is probably the biggest change I've had to encounter in my life, and definitely the hardest. My brother was my best friend, and without him around I felt so alone. Again. I again cried a numerous amount of nights. Life was just so different. With that change at home, came the obvious change at school. The work load was definitely not as light as it is in middle school, and trust me, no matter what you do, you're going to lose friends your freshman year of high school. You meet new people and so do your old friends. You change a lot, and so do your old friends. It's a whole new environment and different people have different ways of handling it. Unfortunately for me, the friends I ended up losing were my best ones. School again became torture. I felt rejected and unwanted, but as for church, I'd been having more fun than ever. I was with my friends again, and I was finally able to enjoy myself. As the new year approached, I decided I wasn't going to give myself a reason to be unhappy. 
So, here we are. January of 2011. And here's where I stand. My life at church is amazing. I have amazing friends there and I'm learning more about God than I have in my entire life. School is started to look up. I'm started to make new friends and becoming closer with old ones. I'm talking to my friends that went to different schools, my grades are close to perfect, and my sports couldn't be any better. I'm genuinely content.

Looking on the past, I can't understand how things ended up the way they did. Things changed so much, so fast, and if you told me two and a half years ago that I would be where I am right now, quite honestly I would have accuse you of being on drugs, but despite everything, if I could go back and change anything, I wouldn't. Everything I've gone through has made me the person I am right now. And I'm seriously happy about that.


Another thing I'm happy about right now is the fact that it's snowing and I'm not going to have school tomorrow. <3

Introductions

I've never really been into blogging much, I guess. It never really interested me that much, but yesterday I decided that I should delete my Facebook. Why? There are multiple reasons. One, because Facebook is extremely distracting. Two, because the people on Facebook irritate me. Even though that's probably my fault for adding them. Three, people don't understand the meaning of Facebook. They use it for stupid things. For example, people use Facebook to become friends with or build a relationship on. That's dumb. Why don't you just grow some balls and talk to the person in person. The reason I was debating keeping my Facebook for such a long time is because it's the only way for me to communicate with some of my family, but then I realized, with or without Facebook, I don't talk to them. So, it's extremely pointless. Anyway, the real reason I started this is because I need something to express my thoughts on. I didn't really do it on Facebook all that much, but I sort of did. I just need an outlet to express what I'm thinking, and this way no one I really care about is going to judge me, and maybe some people will understand some important things I think about. I don't know, basically, I just need to talk. And this is it. I'm not going to lie, I'm probably going to seem extremely overdramatic and moody because most likely I'm only going to post something when I'm really mad, sad, or happy. But whatever, that's the whole point of this. So, here's a basic run down of me. I'm a Christian and I love God. I love sports almost more than anything else. I play volleyball and softball. My family means more to me than anyone. I have about three friends that I consider my family. I'm opinionated and I say what I think. I try not to judge people because I don't live their life and I don't know how they think, plus it's not my place to judge. Although, I do slip up. A lot. I'd think I'm pretty smart. I've has straight A's since kindergarten. My brother is my hero. And that's me in a nut shell. Oh, and my name is Bianca.